Say My Name (Correctly)
Your name is tied to your identity and it should not be used to discriminate against, diminish, or erase you.
Ky-aa-na. Ky-on-na. Kee-an-ah.
I have heard many mispronunciations of my name. I have seen it butchered on receipts and in work emails. And I was one of the unlucky ones who could never find their name on the mini license plates in the souvenir shops. There was always a Keith, Kevin, or Kim - but no Kionna.
An Etsy commercial I saw back in 2020 struck a chord with me on the importance of getting names right. In the ad, a teen named Shiori interacts with people who all mispronounce her name. (Her sigh at seeing “Sherry” on a coffee cup felt all too real.) As a result, she feels invisible - until her mother gifts her a name necklace from Etsy.
“When it feels like the world doesn’t get you, a gift from Etsy can make you feel seen.”
How wonderful would it be if the solution to a lack of recognition and respect was as simple as a personalized trinket!
The commercial reminded me of when a friend shared her experience of how a company executive routinely mispronounces her name at meetings, and that she is the only employee whose name is always said incorrectly. The executive has yet to self-correct, even after my friend has pronounced her name aloud on several occasions. While this blatant disregard irks her, instead of addressing the issue, she continues to sit silently and wait to be called on - by the wrong name.
She explained that she doesn’t want to be seen as nit-picky. But when we allow such microaggressions to continue, we send a message that it’s OK not to be seen at all.
What’s in a name?
“Kionna Lasagna! Kionna Lasagna!”
In fifth grade, a classmate thought he was clever and rhymed my name with the Italian dish (which, ironically, was one of my childhood favorites).
Tired of the constant teasing, I proclaimed to my mother that I was renaming myself “Melissa.” Why Melissa? The name was ordinary yet dainty, and more importantly, it would be hard to rhyme it with any food.
Changing my name would solve ALL of my problems: I would fit in with the Heathers, Jennifers, and Jessicas at school, I was sure to find “Melissa” on souvenirs in every store, and people would pronounce it easily.
My mother laughed. “So, you want us to call you Melissa?”
I was serious.
And so was she when she said, “we are not doing that.”
This desire to change one’s unique or different name is a shared experience among many of us who have felt unacknowledged, shunned or disrespected. But this longing to have a more common identifier - to want to fit in - actually erases a crucial part of our identity.
“A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” - Dale Carnegie
Actress Uzo Aduba from the Netflix show “Orange Is the New Black” didn’t like her name either and asked her mother if she could change it. Looking back, she says, “I wouldn’t change my name for a second. I am so proud of that name and what stands behind it and what it represents.”
To Aduba’s request, her mother responded, “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo, and Dostoevsky, then they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”
And they can learn to say Kionna.
Listen to the episode “Why Pronouncing Names Correctly is More Than Common Courtesy” on NPR’s “Life Kit” podcast for a deeper understanding of why getting someone’s name right is the right thing to do.